It is easy to believe that your relationship is so strong that nothing could come between you
As your relationship progresses, you may start to notice that little things get on your nerves.
Perhaps it is your partner’s little annoying habits, an unequal sharing of household chores, or another obvious “tiff” that most couples go through.
However, there are some surprising little factors that can go grow into creating an unhealthy resentment of your partner.
Below are 7 surprising things that can hurt your relationship.
1.) YOUR JOB
It is always best if you and your partner are in 100% agreement of both your job choices.
Many job duties require overtime, travel, night shifts, working from home, etc.
Over time, your excessive job commitments may become a strain on your relationship.
Healthy relationships REQUIRE communication, honesty, and time commitment.
When it appears that your first commitment is your job duties and choice of career (and your partner isn’t supportive of that), it is almost certain that it will become a source of trouble in your relationship!
In the very beginning of your relationship, every couple needs to have a conversation about career goals and expectations.
Everyone is different and both opinions are valid!
It is only fair that each person in the relationship know what the other person wants out of life and what they expect out of their partner.
P.S. Make sure that you are not in a relationship with someone who wants to change you or make everything about themselves. You are teammates – not a master and servant.
2.) THE PILL
Many women go on the pill without knowing the serious side-effects that can happen!
Although some women experience no negative side effects, others find that the pill takes a serious toll on their quality of life.
Common side effects of the pill: weight gain, loss of sex drive, mood swings, depression, headaches, indigestion, acne, etc.
Imagine being a fun, bubbly, confident woman.
And then, you start to notice that you are becoming excessively moody, depressed, sick, uninterested in sex, and insecure in your appearance.
Not only will you feel anxious and stressed about the “new you”, but your partner may also feel confused.
No matter how loving and committed your partner is – these changes can really take a toll on the relationship!
If you feel that the pill may have some negative side effects, you should talk to your doctor/obgyn about alternative methods.
3.) YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA ACTIVITY
Are you and your partner on the same page when it comes to privacy and social media?
Perhaps your partner doesn’t like to share anything about their life on social media, while you find deep joy in sharing pictures and Instagram Stories about your life and your relationship.
If you and your partner are not on the same page, they may start to feel like their privacy is being invaded and that you don’t respect their opinion. Or, perhaps you spend excessive amounts of time on your phone, mindlessly scrolling through social media – when you should be putting your phone down and giving your attention to your partner and relationship.
You absolutely need to have a conversation about your relationship’s ‘Privacy Policy’ and what you both expect when it comes to spending time on your phones.
Pro Tip: Never disrespect your partner on social media. There is never an excuse to talk negatively, share private stories, or jokingly ‘diss’ the person that you are in a relationship with. Not only will this make them feel unloved and unappreciated, it will also give them permission to do the same thing to you. If you do have relationship problems, you should go to therapy or privately receive help from ‘others who have been there’.
4.) YOU DON’T KNOW YOUR PARTNER’S LOVE LANGUAGE
Your ‘love language’ is an incredibly important part of who you are! You absolutely need to know your partner’s love language! (Take this test to find out yours.)
To sum it up, we all feel loved in different ways. The 5 most essential ways are through physical touch, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, and words of affirmation.
Of course we love all these things! But usually, one or two of these things mean more to you than the others.
Do you absolutely love holding hands and snuggling up together? Do you love it when your partner does some household chores? Or would you prefer them to bring you home a lovely gift? Or perhaps you love it when they tell you how much you mean to them.
See how each of these “love languages” may mean more to one person than another?
5.) YOU TALK INSTEAD OF LISTEN
There are many sayings about the value of listening. You will learn far more listening, than you ever will moving your mouth.
Your partner is someone that you should never stop investing in and learning about. One of the best ways to do this is to ask questions and LISTEN!
Do you notice this bad trend in your relationship? Do you or your partner always feel the need to dominate the conversation or only talk about yourselves?
Are your conversations full of the words like “I”, “my”, and “me”!
This bad habit needs to be identified, talked about, and fixed as soon as possible.
Sometimes it is just a bad habit that needs to be worked on, while at other times, it is a nasty characteristic of someone who is a self-obsessed narcissist.
If you are the person with the bad habit, try to focus on asking questions and LISTENING. Don’t interrupt and don’t only think about the next thing you are going to say.
Let your partner talk and practice actively listening!
6.) YOU DON’T CELEBRATE EACH OTHER ANYMORE
Remember back in the beginning of your relationship when you used to celebrate the little things?
Now, maybe you feel like you are too busy to even properly celebrate birthdays and holidays.
Perhaps you now have kids that take up all your time or corporate careers that absorb much of your time and thought-life.
STOP IT! RE-FOCUS! What are your real priorities?
Start making a big deal out of the little things.
Go out and celebrate being together, finishing a work project, potty-training your child, having an amazing day, or having a really bad day.
Think about it. You are probably the biggest supporter that your partner has. If you aren’t there to make a big deal of them, who is?
BECAUSE IT SHOULD BE YOU!
Celebrate them and make them feel appreciated and loved.
Related Article: 9 Habits of Couples Who Stay In Love
7.) YOU TAKE AWAY EACH OTHER’S FREEDOM
First of all, this is not talking about something secretive, inappropriate, or damaging to your relationship!
When referencing “each other’s freedom”, it is referring to those little things that your partner loves, but you really don’t!
As a result, you argue, nag, sarcastically joke, and pressure your partner into giving up their favorite pastime or personal preferences – simply because it isn’t “your thing.”
When you get into a committed relationship, this does not mean that you need to 100% agree on everything and magically morph into one person – of one mind. You are two completely different people with two valuable and valid opinions!
Example: My sister swore that she would never marry a man who loved video games! Her fiancé had been an only child and had spent much of his childhood playing video games – he loved them! And yet, he willingly gave them up for her, selling all of his games and gaming systems. After they got married, she could tell that he missed them. On his next birthday, she bought him a new gaming system and a few of his favorite games. He was absolutely thrilled! No, he didn’t get addicted! But every once in a while, after a busy day at work, he pulls out a game and has fun playing it for an hour. Even though she doesn’t like video games, she doesn’t object to her husband’s one guilty pleasure.
This example may sound trivial, but you get the point!
Don’t make disparaging comments, give disapproving glares, or discourage your spouse from holding on to a few things that you personally dislike.
If it isn’t damaging your relationship and taking precedence over you, let them have it!